WORRY KILLS

Yesterday morning when I woke up, I prayed. I asked God to help me have the faith I had when I started my life back after Eric’s death. The night before, I couldn’t sleep and spent the whole night crying. My past was constantly flashing back. Somehow my mind was full of worries from my personal troubles and very complicated family problems.

I have been worrying a lot these past few months. Economic crisis could let me lose my job anytime, my siblings are clashing, my daughter’s future, my moms health, my youngest brother schooling, all the enormous expenses including my siblings own kids (in which two of them are AGAIN PREGNANT -my sister and my brothers wife) and unbelievably all of them (as in all) are not working, NO JOB at all and they are all living in one roof except for my youngest brother who is studying in Manila.

After my brief prayer, I prepared for work. Usually, before I start my usual task I would surf the internet. And my officemate had mention Kerygma magazine by Mr. Bo Sanchez. I red this magazine a few years ago and I attended one of his preaching about 9 years ago and he is so great. I surf the internet and read Kerygma Jan 09 edition. There is column in the magazine entitled DON’T WORRY and it stricken me.

Part of the column has a story about a man who has seen the angel of death and was told that the angel will get 10 people. He was terrified and texted all his relatives and friends and the news spread all over. That night a thousand people die. The angel of death made it clear again to this man that he only got 10 persons and doesn’t know why they died. And why they died? They worried too much! They thought they could be one of the 10. Worry kills.

Two things happen when you trust God

1. You are not afraid of uncertainties. You have no worries.
When Eric was bed ridden for six months before he died, I was 5 months pregnant. I slowly lose all the savings we had and sold all the things I could sell and I had to borrow money. I was afraid for my daughter’s future and family’s situation but I never stop praying. While I was in deep pain of losing everything, I knew that I have to do something. I surrender to God and trust Him. I had an incredibly soaring faith in Him during that time. After two weeks of giving birth, I send my resume to different company and in three weeks I got a new job.

2. Your leaf stays green. You keep bearing fruit.
When you trust God, you remain young.

Well, of course… I still worry about everything. I invented the word worry hehehe!. But I realized that I only worry when I forget that God is always in control. Nobody’s perfect. I still fall short in His eyes of course. I sometimes feel lazy of being in touch with Him through prayers, that’s why He sometimes allow me to worry and be anxious to remind me that He’s always there. Kailangan nga ba naman nia ako pinabayaan? We just have to trust Him. But as Bo says, “Don’t just pray. God also wants you to act. Maybe He wants you to fail a bit too” I know i have to do something on my family's situation and trust God for everyhting.

For what is worth, its never too late. We can make the best of our life by trusting God. If you find that somehow everything tumbles at some point in your life, have the strength to start all over again… Let go. Let God

When you have nothing left but God, then you become aware that God is enough.
- Rayden